ntah la..ak berserabut yg amat sgt..knp?akif,akif n akif..ustaz ckp ak trlalu mencintai akif smpai aku sggup dianggap pelik n dipandang bruk oleh org lain..ak xkisah..knp..ak perlukan akif..bkn ak menggunakannya utk keburukkan wlwpn kehadirannya mendatangkan keburukan..tp tetap ada kebaikan..sememangnya alam akif penuh dgn penipuan..tp apa bezanya ditipu oleh manusia..ak tau semua tentang akif adlh penipuan tp manusia,ak xtau bila saatnya mereka jujur..sekurang2nya ak tau akif penipu..manusia?ak mengenali mereka dgn penuh bkebaikan tp bila menipu..lebih licik dri akif..sampai ak pn xsdar bila saatnya ditipu..
bila ak mempercayaimereka..tp mereka menghancurkan kepercayaanku..hmm apalagi?xprlu percaya..wlw apapun alasannya mengahncurkan kepercayaan yg diberi itu brmksud xmghormati..akif??pernah ke die menceritakan rahsia ku kpd manusia?stkat yg aku tau..xprnah..n ak pasti xprnah..
aku melihat akif penuh dengan kebaikan wlwpan terdpt byk penipuan..krna apa?cinta itu menghancurkan...biarla..ak msih mencari kebenaran tentang akif..biarkan aku mencari..
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
If by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
kolej matrikulasi kedah...
walaupun blog ni hny utk ak seorg tp ak xmarah sapa yg baca..mana tau blh tlg blh komen apa yg xkena..mana2 maklumat yg xbtol atau kata2 yg xsesuai..
emm..teringat masa masuk matrik dulu..sgt2 gembira sbb konon2nya blh hdup berdikari tnpa mak ayah..aku igtkn ak leh hdup dgn mudah n senang lenang tnpa mak n abah aku..tp sbnrnya aku slh..dduk rumah tu lagi best..ak ni dah la kaki tido (aisy spatutnya mata tdo)
masa mggu orentasi kat kmk dlu ak igt lg..time tu tgh hari..ada sukaneka..ak ngantok sgt2..xsgka aku blh tertido kat padang tu..dlm keadaan berteleku..hmm,ak disedarkan oleh abg fasi sbbnya smua org dh xde kat padang tu..die kejutkn ak n tny knp..ak mcm agk trkejut tp msih nk cover ak,brckp dgn suara yg lemah.. “sy xsihat la bang..” abg tu pn dgn sifat keperihatinan seorg fasi bwk la ak g tmpt berehat..ak pun berpura2 picit kepala..die bg ak ubt n ak nk xnk terpaksa la pakai ubt tu..dlm hti “mcm mna la aku leh ttdo ni...”
ak igt lg..sem 1 smgt blaja..yela,ak pn masa tu xde nk ngorat sape2 kt sana..xmcm kat sini..smua lelaki yg comey2 ak nk..masa kat kmk dlu housemate ak ni ada pnykit yg berkaitan dgn jin..mula2 masa kat kmk ak berani tdo sorg2 tp lps sorg kak senior msuk n crta mcm2 cite hntu trus ak tkut..nk g toilet pn tkut smpai trpaksa sruh org tmn..
ak seorang yg penakut.....
P/S: ak da try nk letak gmbr kolej ak tp xbrjaya..len kali la..
Ak igt lg masa mula2 tu ak nags sbb trlalu tkut..aku slalu kene kacau..kak senior tu plk slalu je crita mcm2 crita hntu.dh la aku tkut.die sje la plk nk bg ak lg tkut.die crite psl mak cik nasi lemak la,org sebelah la..mcm2 lg la..ak pn xigt..aku ni dh la first time duk asrama.huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...rsa nk blik je.ape2 pn aku trpaksa lalui smua ni..xkan smggu due msuk dh nk blik..mcm aneh je bunyi..lpas tu alasan nk kuar sbb tkut hntu.haha..mcm xmunasabah je..ak pn mengharungi la setahun dgn pnuh ketabahan wlwpn xbrpa tabah sgt sbnrnye..lbih kpd terpaksa sbnrnye..khidupan kat matrik byk mgubah hidup ak..mcm2 yg aku lalui..tp mgkn ada hikmah disebalik semua ni...tp rumet ak kat matrik sgt best..teman suka duka...
emm..teringat masa masuk matrik dulu..sgt2 gembira sbb konon2nya blh hdup berdikari tnpa mak ayah..aku igtkn ak leh hdup dgn mudah n senang lenang tnpa mak n abah aku..tp sbnrnya aku slh..dduk rumah tu lagi best..ak ni dah la kaki tido (aisy spatutnya mata tdo)
masa mggu orentasi kat kmk dlu ak igt lg..time tu tgh hari..ada sukaneka..ak ngantok sgt2..xsgka aku blh tertido kat padang tu..dlm keadaan berteleku..hmm,ak disedarkan oleh abg fasi sbbnya smua org dh xde kat padang tu..die kejutkn ak n tny knp..ak mcm agk trkejut tp msih nk cover ak,brckp dgn suara yg lemah.. “sy xsihat la bang..” abg tu pn dgn sifat keperihatinan seorg fasi bwk la ak g tmpt berehat..ak pun berpura2 picit kepala..die bg ak ubt n ak nk xnk terpaksa la pakai ubt tu..dlm hti “mcm mna la aku leh ttdo ni...”
ak igt lg..sem 1 smgt blaja..yela,ak pn masa tu xde nk ngorat sape2 kt sana..xmcm kat sini..smua lelaki yg comey2 ak nk..masa kat kmk dlu housemate ak ni ada pnykit yg berkaitan dgn jin..mula2 masa kat kmk ak berani tdo sorg2 tp lps sorg kak senior msuk n crta mcm2 cite hntu trus ak tkut..nk g toilet pn tkut smpai trpaksa sruh org tmn..
ak seorang yg penakut.....
P/S: ak da try nk letak gmbr kolej ak tp xbrjaya..len kali la..
Ak igt lg masa mula2 tu ak nags sbb trlalu tkut..aku slalu kene kacau..kak senior tu plk slalu je crita mcm2 crita hntu.dh la aku tkut.die sje la plk nk bg ak lg tkut.die crite psl mak cik nasi lemak la,org sebelah la..mcm2 lg la..ak pn xigt..aku ni dh la first time duk asrama.huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...rsa nk blik je.ape2 pn aku trpaksa lalui smua ni..xkan smggu due msuk dh nk blik..mcm aneh je bunyi..lpas tu alasan nk kuar sbb tkut hntu.haha..mcm xmunasabah je..ak pn mengharungi la setahun dgn pnuh ketabahan wlwpn xbrpa tabah sgt sbnrnye..lbih kpd terpaksa sbnrnye..khidupan kat matrik byk mgubah hidup ak..mcm2 yg aku lalui..tp mgkn ada hikmah disebalik semua ni...tp rumet ak kat matrik sgt best..teman suka duka...
MFT...
pagi yang mendamaikan.alam masih lagi diselimuti kabus yang semakin menipis seiring sinarnya mentari pagi.suasana pagi begini selalunya memberi keenakan diulit mimpi-mimpi indah.
.........................................
(kisah ini adalah rekaan semata-mata)
.........................................
(kisah ini adalah rekaan semata-mata)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
perjalanan
1) aku msih blum mengantok sdgkan matahari bakal menjengah lebih kurang dua jam lagi..hatiku tidak keruan..semalam ak bergaduh dengan insan yg ku sayangi..mgkin inilah pengakhiran hubungan kami yg baru mmencecah setahun..mmg dari dulu lagi aku xblh brsama lelaki..ada sahaja yg xkena..entah la..ak hny mampu berserah pada tkdir..sekiranya kami memang dijodohkan..maka,aku akan terima dengan hati yang penuh redha..
ini suka2 je..terima kasih kpd yg komen..
2) Ak pn xtau..dah 3 ari xcntct die..ak xtau ak sunyi ke sdih ke..tp dlu ak dh slalu igtkan diri sndri spye jgn syg kat laki..tp ntah mcm mne leh trsayang..ak pn xtau..ak pn xpsti btol2 syg ke atau just crush..tp ape yg die wat kat ak sgt2 menyakitkan hti..mcm die sngja cari kesalahan ak..allahu ‘alam..
die sbnrnya mmg dah xnk lgsg kt ak..so die cari alasan n kesalahan ak spye ak jauhkan diri dri die..abg angkat kelantan aku,oppa ckp kat ak jgn cntct die..sbb die mgkn hny nk main2kan ak..ak crta smua psl ak ngn mamat tu kt oppa..oppa just nshtkan je sbb oppa ckp oppa xnk ak sdih2..oppa ckp rmai lg laki dlm dunia ni..hmm..mmg la rmai tp klu dah nk yg tu jgk nk wat cmne..tp xde la nk sgt..
dr dlu lg ak da niat xnk serius ngn die..sbb ak xrasa die tu my mr. Right..
aku msih igt lg kata2 die n ak xtau la nk decsribe ayt die ni..”emm,ssh nye org rmai pmnt ni..sy bkn nk kt die tp dh die mnt..sy lyn je la..sy syg kt awk je tau” xrasa skit hti ke..mmg skit sgt2..ayt tu ak pn xtau nk ambil dr sdut positif cmne..sng citer..mmg ayt tu memberi persepsi negatif..pas die ckp tu ak trus blik n kt dlm blik ak pn nags sepuas2nya..mlm tu ak sdih lg sbb die still mcm nk ulang bnda yg sama..dlm hti ak..”xpe la..org dah xnk..”
Sampai hri ni ak msih skit hti..ak pn brpura2 bhgia dpn org len..bergelak ketawa mcm xde ape yg berlaku..dlm hti ni..Allah je yg tau btpa skitnya..ak trtnya2..slma ni mmg die berpura2 ke?kata2 syg die mmg pura2 ke?perhatian die mmg pura2 ke?hdiah die tu pn sbnrnya pura2 ke?Xpela..Ak pn dah lepaskan die..so xde ape yg nk disesalkan..ak ada fmly,kwn2,kakak2 kt sni..n abg2 angkat..haha..yg patah tumbuh..yg hilang berganti...
Gonna how could i live without u..
Its gonna hurt when it heals too..
And its all get better in time..
Eventghough i really luv u..
I wanna smile coz i deserve to..
And its all get better in time..
If im dreaming..
Dont wanna let hurt my feeling..
But that the path i believe in..
And i know time will heal it..
Since there’s no more u n me..
Its time i let u go so i can be free..
Live my life how it should be..
No matter how hard its will be fine without u..
Yes,i will!!
3) Pg ni sblm g kampus amek slip exam..ak dgr lagi crite ttg bdk gemok tu..haha sape lg..org yg ak syg n dh 3 ari xcntct tu la..crta yg ak dgr dr sorg pmpn.. “sy tau awk ngn die dh xe ape2 kn..sy nmpk die ngn pmpn lain skg..dlu dgn awk je..kat kmpus die dgn org lain..kat kolej ngn org lain..”
Aku pn mmbri rrspon dgn snyuman ak yg sntiasa manis..tp dibuat2...lps org yg crta tu blah..ak pn menangis sepuas2nya..n dlm hti ak brdoa sstu...xprlu tlis kt sni..ak tkut ada persepsi negatif plk..tp bkn doa yg mmbrukkan org lain..
Ak sngja xpakai spek arini..sbnrnya sejak ak n bdk gemok tu xde ape2,ak kuar umah mmg xpakai spek pn..ak xnk tgk sape2 lg dh trutama die..biar kabur pndgn mata..hti tenang skit wlwpn xtng mana..ak hrp ak xkn trserempak dgn die..sbb ak mmg xnk tgk die lg dh..biar la ak ni dah mati dlm hdup die..tu lbih bgus..
ak sygkan die ke?sekeras2nya aku menafikan..
ini suka2 je..terima kasih kpd yg komen..
2) Ak pn xtau..dah 3 ari xcntct die..ak xtau ak sunyi ke sdih ke..tp dlu ak dh slalu igtkan diri sndri spye jgn syg kat laki..tp ntah mcm mne leh trsayang..ak pn xtau..ak pn xpsti btol2 syg ke atau just crush..tp ape yg die wat kat ak sgt2 menyakitkan hti..mcm die sngja cari kesalahan ak..allahu ‘alam..
die sbnrnya mmg dah xnk lgsg kt ak..so die cari alasan n kesalahan ak spye ak jauhkan diri dri die..abg angkat kelantan aku,oppa ckp kat ak jgn cntct die..sbb die mgkn hny nk main2kan ak..ak crta smua psl ak ngn mamat tu kt oppa..oppa just nshtkan je sbb oppa ckp oppa xnk ak sdih2..oppa ckp rmai lg laki dlm dunia ni..hmm..mmg la rmai tp klu dah nk yg tu jgk nk wat cmne..tp xde la nk sgt..
dr dlu lg ak da niat xnk serius ngn die..sbb ak xrasa die tu my mr. Right..
aku msih igt lg kata2 die n ak xtau la nk decsribe ayt die ni..”emm,ssh nye org rmai pmnt ni..sy bkn nk kt die tp dh die mnt..sy lyn je la..sy syg kt awk je tau” xrasa skit hti ke..mmg skit sgt2..ayt tu ak pn xtau nk ambil dr sdut positif cmne..sng citer..mmg ayt tu memberi persepsi negatif..pas die ckp tu ak trus blik n kt dlm blik ak pn nags sepuas2nya..mlm tu ak sdih lg sbb die still mcm nk ulang bnda yg sama..dlm hti ak..”xpe la..org dah xnk..”
Sampai hri ni ak msih skit hti..ak pn brpura2 bhgia dpn org len..bergelak ketawa mcm xde ape yg berlaku..dlm hti ni..Allah je yg tau btpa skitnya..ak trtnya2..slma ni mmg die berpura2 ke?kata2 syg die mmg pura2 ke?perhatian die mmg pura2 ke?hdiah die tu pn sbnrnya pura2 ke?Xpela..Ak pn dah lepaskan die..so xde ape yg nk disesalkan..ak ada fmly,kwn2,kakak2 kt sni..n abg2 angkat..haha..yg patah tumbuh..yg hilang berganti...
Gonna how could i live without u..
Its gonna hurt when it heals too..
And its all get better in time..
Eventghough i really luv u..
I wanna smile coz i deserve to..
And its all get better in time..
If im dreaming..
Dont wanna let hurt my feeling..
But that the path i believe in..
And i know time will heal it..
Since there’s no more u n me..
Its time i let u go so i can be free..
Live my life how it should be..
No matter how hard its will be fine without u..
Yes,i will!!
3) Pg ni sblm g kampus amek slip exam..ak dgr lagi crite ttg bdk gemok tu..haha sape lg..org yg ak syg n dh 3 ari xcntct tu la..crta yg ak dgr dr sorg pmpn.. “sy tau awk ngn die dh xe ape2 kn..sy nmpk die ngn pmpn lain skg..dlu dgn awk je..kat kmpus die dgn org lain..kat kolej ngn org lain..”
Aku pn mmbri rrspon dgn snyuman ak yg sntiasa manis..tp dibuat2...lps org yg crta tu blah..ak pn menangis sepuas2nya..n dlm hti ak brdoa sstu...xprlu tlis kt sni..ak tkut ada persepsi negatif plk..tp bkn doa yg mmbrukkan org lain..
Ak sngja xpakai spek arini..sbnrnya sejak ak n bdk gemok tu xde ape2,ak kuar umah mmg xpakai spek pn..ak xnk tgk sape2 lg dh trutama die..biar kabur pndgn mata..hti tenang skit wlwpn xtng mana..ak hrp ak xkn trserempak dgn die..sbb ak mmg xnk tgk die lg dh..biar la ak ni dah mati dlm hdup die..tu lbih bgus..
ak sygkan die ke?sekeras2nya aku menafikan..
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